Relationship Savvy » Divorce

Four Steps That Would Help You Start Dating After Divorce

Author — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:51:55 +0000

Divorce is always very painful for both the partners. The questions that would always haunt you after that would be, “How could I make such a big mistake in choosing my life-partner? Falling out of love, adultery, physical and mental abuse was something that only happened to others. How could that happen to me?”

Dating After Divorce Is Simple – Use These Baby Steps

First of all you need to remember that you are out of the relationship. Your marriage is behind you; it is time to let go and stop it from influencing your life and the way you live. You certainly deserve better. The following four baby steps would have you out of your home and dating after divorce in no time.

Enjoy Dating After Divorce As A Recreation Source

Forget about relationships. At this time every person would look like a potential horror when considered for a long-term relationship. The trick here is to stop thinking long term. Live for the moment; look for some fun; for something that relaxes you, recreates and makes you laugh. The first step for dating after divorce is to use this as a platform to get some good friends not life partners.

Fight The Fear Of Long Term Commitment

One of the greatest obstacles in dating after divorce is the fear of the possibility of another long term relationship which would turn into failure. Taking baby steps means you put all fears behind you and concentrate on what you are doing. Going out on a date does not mean you are looking for marriage. It would be more appropriate if you thought it like a platform where you could collect some very interesting friends and nothing else until and unless you are ready for more.

Consider Your Feelings Above Everybody’s Else – You Are Number One

Forget about everybody and think about yourself. What you want? How you want to spend your life? What are your long term and short term plans? You need to be number one for yourself. Do you invest sufficient time, money and effort to ensure that you have a good laugh every now and then? Get back humor in your life and go for dating whenever you feel you needed company. Who knows when you might find your soul mate through one of these dates. You own it to yourself to take that chance; to make sure you have a second shot at happiness.

Divorce Recovery Often Takes Time

Author — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:55:17 +0000

Divorce has consequences for the couple involved as well as their friends and family. Good friends of a couple sometimes feel awkward remaining friends with people who are experiencing difficulty. Sometimes friends and family get stuck in the middle of disputes. A divorce also has many disagreements that must be resolved and many arrangements that must be completed. Getting a divorce often means that assets must be divided. People with children have even more problems to solve as they work toward a divorce. The troubles and traumas of finalizing a divorce often lead to worry, anxiety and exhaustion for the people involved. Divorce recovery takes time before the hurt can be healed and the disruptions settled.

Divorce recovery is often required for many years after the final divorce decree. Divorce recovery is different for everybody. Some people do not miss a beat, and they recover from the trauma almost immediately. Other people never find divorce recovery possible, and they suffer the pain and consequences for many years after the settlement of their divorce. Divorce recovery for some of these people is very difficult, and they probably need professional help to carry them forward.

Divorce Recovery Sometimes Requires Professional Support

Divorce recovery is sometimes difficult which makes it necessary to seek professional help to settle some problems. Although some people are minimally affected by the loss of their spouse, other people are very traumatized. People often develop depression and other problems. Lives can be totally changed by a divorce. A family unit is often torn apart. People who had companions are often left lonely. Some of these people often benefit if they work with a professional counselor who has experience helping others with similar problems.

Some people need to see a counselor for a short period of time while others see a counselor for years after their divorce. The counselor can help them cope with the losses that they suffer. Some people who never had to work have to get a job. A good counselor can help people with this task. Children are often greatly affected by a divorce and often feel that the problems are their fault. A good counselor can help children understand the problems in their lives. Divorce recovery is often easier if all the people involved try to remain friendly. Anger and hatred can make the entire process unbearable. An understanding counselor can help everyone work together for an amicable transition to a new way of life.

Getting Served With Divorce Papers

Author — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:34:04 +0000

The dreaded event — being served with divorce papers — is an even often cited in popular culture. You’re probably read a novel or watched a movie where one of the characters was in a deep depression, explaining their black mood by saying they had just received divorce papers.

All the other characters in the scene nod empathetically and make sympathetic noises as they commiserate with the soon-to-be-divorced person. In other fictional works, one character tries to get their spouse to sign divorce papers. So, what’s the big deal about divorce papers? What are they, anyway?

What Are They?

Divorce laws vary from state to state, so the papers required to get a divorce in each state will be different, depending on where you live. You should never rely on the Internet for legal advice, but you can get a general idea of what divorce papers entail by doing some simple searches.

The opening documents in most divorces are a summons and a complaint, or a petition to dissolve the marriage. Getting married creates a contractual legal relationship between two people, and the purpose of this set of divorce papers is to ask a judge to end that legal relationship. The petition does just that: it petitions the court for an order – a divorce decree – that dissolves the partnership between the married couple. The summons is served on the non-filing party, along with a copy of the petition, to “summon” him or her to the court so they can respond to the petition.

In some states, and in some circumstances, the non-filing party will file a divorce paper known as an answer or response. This document is usually only filed if the non-filing party opposes the divorce or wants the court to divide the marital property a certain way, or if the non-filing party wants to ask for attorney fees, child support, or spousal support.

After the initial papers are filed, the parties try to work out an equitable property division and support arrangements. By far, most cases are resolved at this point. Some couples require the assistance of mediators, arbitrators, and attorneys to accomplish the property division and support arrangements.

Other couples – especially those without children or property – can agree to call it a day without involving other parties. They divide their property, sign an agreement, and all that remains is to turn the divorce papers in to the court and wait for the judge to sign them.

The final divorce paper is the divorce decree that the judge signs. This document is usually called a judgment or order of dissolution, and it dissolves the marriage on a particular date, usually about 30 days after the judge signs it.

Where To Find Divorce Help

Author — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 13:28:09 +0000

Do you want to get divorced, but you’re not sure how to start the process? You don’t know if you need to get a lawyer, or how much it will cost, or when you should tell your spouse about your decision, or whether your spouse has to agree to a divorce. You need divorce help.

Your Spouse Wants To Get Divorced

You also need divorce help if your spouse has just told you that he or she wants a divorce, and you feel too paralyzed to do anything about it. Oftentimes, the other spouse does not want a divorce, and didn’t even see it coming. They feel blindsided. They don’t know what will happen next, or how to make sure they get everything they are entitled to. A parent staying at home with children who has foregone employment opportunities is especially vulnerable and needs divorce help in this situation.

Both Husband And Wife Want To Get Divorced

The other kind of people who need divorce help are couples who, acting together, agree that their marriage is irretrievably broken and they both decide, virtually at the same time, that divorce is the best next step for them to take. They are disappointed in themselves, but they are both ready to move on.

Free Resources

Divorce laws change from state to state. Rules and restrictions that apply to residents of New York who are getting divorced are drastically different than the rules and restrictions that apply, for instance, to residents of California. Divorce help should be local help. That said, there are many self-help web sites that answer basic questions about divorce. Many questions can be answered just by typing them into a search engine like Google or Yahoo.

However, the best free resource may be the web site for the state courts in your state. Divorce actions are always filed in state court – not federal court. Virtually every state or county court web site has a section on divorces. There you will find answers to questions about filing fees, waiting periods, forms, whether you must appear before a judge, how you can do it yourself, and so forth. Do not overlook this valuable resource for divorce help!

Paid Resources

If you have children, or if you have a home or land or significant debt, you will probably need to pay for divorce help in the form of a counselor, a mediator, a lawyer, or all three. Some say a common rule of thumb is to look at the cost of your wedding, divide it by one-half, and that is approximately how much your divorce will cost. This isn’t always true, but generally speaking, anyone who can afford a lavish wedding will have monetary assets that merit spending enough money on a divorce to make sure that you don’t go broke.

Obtaining Divorce Court Records

Author — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:24:52 +0000

Divorce laws are different in every state; no two states are the same. Some states have no-fault laws while other states require one party to have done something cruel or unusual to their spouse before a divorce will be granted.

When it comes to dividing property, some states have community property laws, and other states have equitable distribution laws. Thus, there is no typical divorce file. However, there are certain divorce court records that seem to be in the case file in every case. The end of a marriage can generate a lot of paperwork.

A Typical File

Going through a typical divorce court record, the same documents will appear in just about every file. First, there is the summons and complaint, followed by the answer or response and counterclaim. There are the mediation orders and the restraining orders.

If the couple getting divorced one party requests child or spousal support from the other party, there are motions, cross-motions, affidavits for support, budgets, and so forth. These are all part of the divorce court record. These are public records; they are accessible to anyone who walks in off the street and asks for the file.

Having all this information available to the public is a strong motivational deterrent for many people who do not want their private income and expense information to become part of the public divorce court record.

Trial Records

If a married couple cannot agree on how to divide their property, on who should get custody of their children, or on how much support should be paid, the court holds a trial. At trial, the judge hears both sides’ account of what happened and of how each party wants the divorce to turn out: what property they want to receive; what support they want to pay or receive; and what child custody or visitation they want the judge to award.

Final Records

When the trial is over, or, if there is no trial, when the couple has decided how to apportion their property, their income, and their children between themselves, a final divorce decree is entered in the divorce court records. Most states tack on a waiting period after the decree is signed before it becomes final, so that any couples who acted hastily and have second thoughts about whether they really want a divorce have one last opportunity to reverse the process.

When obtaining divorce court records to prove income, to prove marital status, or to resume a former married name or maiden name, the best record to have is a certified copy of the divorce decree. Every person who gets divorced should have one, and should keep it in a safety deposit box or another secure location.

An Uncontested Divorce Benefits Both Partners

Author — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 15:14:15 +0000

Any divorce can be a painful and emotional experience. It is often difficult for both partners, their children and other family members. For example, a mother-in-law could really like her son-in-law and be very disappointed that her daughter was not happy. This woman is sad to see the divorce. Other friends and family are similarly affected by a divorce. Sometimes people are so angry or hurt because of a divorce, and they end up in ugly battles over children and possessions. The family dog might even be part of the dispute if both partners liked the dog. Lawyers are often the only beneficiaries of a divorce if a couple battles over the details of the dissolution agreement.

An uncontested divorce is often a good idea for everyone but the lawyers. In an uncontested divorce, both partners usually agree that the marriage cannot be saved and that they will agree on the terms without the intervention of the court. The couple usually has to sit down and work out the details in a civilized way for the terms of an uncontested divorce. If they can put their hurt feelings aside, an uncontested divorce can save them a fortune. Usually an uncontested divorce makes life easier on the children and others who might be affected by the split in a marriage.

An Uncontested Divorce Solves Many Problems

A divorce usually costs a lot of money because the lawyers charge high fees for their services. There are other fees as well if the court headed by a judge gets involved in a divorce. The assets of a couple can be totally obliterated by the costs for the lawyers and the judge. There are other losses that people suffer because of a divorce. People often have to sell their house to come to terms for a divorce. If the market is bad at the time, a couple could lose money by selling the house at the wrong time.

An uncontested divorce will take some time, patience and common sense. The couple may have to decide that one partner can live in the house until there is a better time to sell. They will also have to agree on arrangements for child care if they have children. There have been instances where people fought over silly things that resulted in extra fees for their divorce. An uncontested divorce will allow people to keep their own funds and pay less to the lawyers.

For Legal Advice, Ask A Divorce Attorney

Author — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 12:55:39 +0000

If you are looking for some advice on how to handle your divorce, then there is nothing to fear. Believe it or not, there are attorneys that specialize in divorce. Divorce attorneys can be extremely useful during the divorce process. Not only do they have experience in handling divorce cases, but it can help to take the stress off of you during an already difficult time. Finding a good divorce lawyer is a safe way to ensure that your divorce is handled with care and consideration.

Gauging Your Need

Do you really need a divorce attorney? This is a common question asked of people who are going through a divorce. Divorce attorneys can be expensive, and many people don’t want to pay the price. For these reasons, people will often decide to go through their divorce on their own, making legal decisions without the expertise of a divorce attorney. In some situations, this is not a terrible decision. However, some circumstances call for a divorce lawyer.

There are several situations that would be better handled by a divorce attorney. If either partner has a criminal record, is neglectful, is verbally abusive, is sexually abusive, is domestically violent, is mentally ill, suffers from a severe health issue, engages in substance abuse, is financially irresponsible, or has made threats to the other, then a divorce attorney would be best be able to handle the situation.

Other factors to take into consideration when deciding whether or not to hire a divorce attorney is the behavior of your spouse’s divorce attorney. If your partner’s lawyer is disagreeable just for the sake of being disagreeable, or if they are purposefully being aggressive or intimidating, then you should take the initiative to hire a lawyer of your own. Under no circumstances should you hire the same divorce attorney as your spouse.

It’s Never Too Late

If you have reached the divorce trial without consulting a lawyer, you are to be congratulated. But the process isn’t over yet. You might get to court only to find that the judge recommends that you consult with a divorce attorney. In another situation, you might begin the trial and find that the judge is not partial to your side of the case. In either of these situations, hiring a divorce lawyer would be advisable.

Best Representation

Usually, an individual is the best person to represent themselves. However, in the case of a divorce, people are typically better represented by someone who is experienced and impartial to the emotional situation at hand.

Four Most Common Reasons For Divorce

Author — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:11:50 +0000

There are many reasons for divorce each one saying that the two persons who once thought they could not live without one another, can no longer live with each other. It is sad to see a marriage falling apart and break, but most often than not this is due to a disparity in expectations by both spouses than anything else.

What Are The Most Widespread Reasons For Divorce?

Among the hundreds of reasons that are quoted everyday as the cause for divorce four are most familiar. But before you read about these common causes, you need to know that most divorces could be averted if the couple worked at the relationship right from day one.

Marriage Is Perfect

The misconception that marriage to a soul mate means it would be a bed of roses is one of the main reasons for divorce the world over. There are no perfect matches or perfect marriages. There is no perfect person either. You need to know that a good marriage means you will have hard times as well as good times and be prepared to handle these with maturity.

Marriage Is Hard Work

When you love a person it does not mean that you would turn blind to all their shortcomings; rather it means you love them despite of it. When two people marry each one comes with certain expectation from their spouse, which when is not forthcoming becomes first a point of frustrating and then the instigation to be revengeful. You want to avoid reasons for divorce, you need to focus on what you can do for your spouse and marriage and allot a lower profile to what you should get from your spouse and marriage.

Marriage Is Commitment

Look at your friends. Are they perfect? Nonetheless you love each one of them and you also accept their faults with absolutely no problem. Why then you have trouble applying this formula to your spouse? The inability to accept the failings of your spouse often lead to bitterness and deterioration of marriage.

Marriage Is The Ability To Encourage Mutual Growth

Often one of the spouses needs to make some sacrifices in order to see that the other advances in their career. Sometimes such sacrifices are taken for grated over a period of time making the sacrificing spouse resent their own role in the long run. In such cases the reasons for divorce are obvious – the sacrificing spouse feels the price is too high to stay with the marriage while the other feels unappreciated.

Marriage Is Fidelity

The most common of all reasons for divorce is still adultery. You would wonder why should someone married go ahead and fall in love all over again or even contemplate having an affair. The reason lies with the way marriage shapes up. If the marriage is complete, the spouses would be too centered on one another to allow any other person into their lives. However, when there are gaps it is easy to stray away.

Thinking Of The Children Who Suffer From The Effects Of Divorce

Author — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:02:38 +0000

Divorce is a devastating process for all parties involved. However, the people that the effects of divorce can be the most devastating for is the children from the marriage. Children might have several feelings about divorce, depending on how young they are. They might not understand what’s going on, or they might feel forced to take sides. Whatever the case, one of the most important parts of the divorce process is ensuring that the effects of the divorce on the children are as smooth and seamless as possible.

The Young ‘Uns

Young children feel the effects of divorce because oftentimes, they do not understand what exactly is happening. Children five, six, and seven years old cannot make rhyme or reason about why their parents don’t love each other anymore. And while they do not need to be told in detail the reasons behind the divorce, they should be told that the divorce is not their fault. The effect of divorce on many young children is the tendency to think that it is somehow their own fault—and it is up to the parents to tell them that this is not true.

Acting Out

Another common effect of divorce on children is that the children begin to act out, in school and at home. Divorces can be long, time consuming processes—and many times, the kids get lost in the shuffle. Children will often act out in order to get their parent’s attention. It is important that parents in the process of getting a divorce continue to devote time to their children.

Dealing With Devastation

Many marriages end on good terms. However, other marriages end in divorce as the result of a disaster—an affair, or a history of domestic violence. While getting a divorce is the first step toward eliminating the effect of these two monstrosities on the children involved, it is not the last step. Domestic violence and infidelity can leave long lasting effects on children, even after the divorce. Some children might have trouble trusting the opposite sex, and some may have relationship problems later on. Providing counseling for children if needed is important in order to help them handle the effects of divorce.

Parental Responsibilities

Though a divorce is caused by the problems between parents, the effects of the divorce on the children of the marriage are greater than those on others. These effects should be the primary concern of the parents—after all, handling them falls under basic parental responsibilities.

Divorce Statistics can Paint an Interesting Picture of Our Culture

Author — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:56:54 +0000

There was a time when divorce was not only discouraged; it was actually illegal. Couples who did not get along were forced to either live together and deal with their problems unhappily, or separate without divorcing and without the option to remarry in the future.

Today in the United States, divorce is a very common legal procedure that takes place every day in every state. The incidence of divorce has shot up considerably since the mid-twentieth century, and now the social stigma that used to surround divorce has largely disappeared.

Half of Marriages end in Divorce?

While commonly-quoted divorce statistics say that 50% of marriages in the United States will end in divorce, this is not the whole truth. There are many factors that need to be considered before subscribing to divorce statistics such as this.

First of all, there are different divorce rates depending on how many times you have been married before. For a first marriage, the divorce rate is indeed around 40% to 50%. However, for a second marriage the divorce rate shoots up to in the neighborhood of 60% to 67%. For a third marriage, the divorce rate can be as high as 74%.

An interesting side note to these startling divorce statistics is that couples with children tend to divorce less often than childless couples. Some studies suggest that up to 66% of divorced couples have no children. The studies do not indicate whether those couples which children who do not divorce are staying together for the sake of the kids or whether having children really does seal a marriage bond.

Looking at these divorce statistics, it is evident that after a first marriage fails, subsequent marriages are more likely to fail as well. There are some lucky people who find a lasting marriage the second or third time around, though, even after the first marriage is not successful.

Differences around the World

While these divorce statistics may appear surprising, the divorce statistics from other countries are even more surprising. Other western countries share similar divorce rates to the United States, while many Asian countries show a very low incidence of divorce. Is this because these cultures frown on divorce, or is it because couples there are better able to work through their marital problems?

Anthropologists and sociologists continue to study the phenomenon of divorce and the impact that it has on our culture. There’s no doubt that today’s divorce statistics will be of great help to future generations of social scientists who attempt to understand our culture.