Jun 10 2008
Divorce Cases Involving Children
It is estimated that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. This is certainly a tragic ending to a beginning that involves the exchanging of beautiful marital vows which include the commitment to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health until death do us part. Obviously, nobody wins in any divorce case. However, this is especially true when it comes to affected children who are involved in a divorce proceeding.
Why?
This is because children do not understand the circumstances or events that may lead to a divorce and all of the implications involved in this tragic ending. Also, children frequently blame themselves for the separation of the marital couple.
For these and other reasons it is important that couples involved in divorce cases with children be extremely sensitive and attentive to the emotions of the child. It is important to explain as much as possible to the children that they are not at fault nor are they being divorced from either the mother or father. It is also critical that neither parent disrespects each other when it comes to their interaction with the children from the marriage relationship.
The Casualties Of Divorce
When divorce proceeding takes place and a judgment is finalized through a divorce decree, there are many casualties. Two of the obvious casualties are the marital couple. However, the unforgotten casualties of divorce cases are the children.
It is important to be sensitive to the emotions of the child that is affected by a divorce case. This means that they should be given the opportunity to ask questions and that communication be attempted to explain what is happening between Mommy and Daddy and how it will affect them. It is critical to reassure the child and to underscore the fact that nobody is at fault, especially the child. Also, it is critical that if the child needs professional counseling that professional counseling be made available.
Continue To Honor
One of the many pitfalls of divorce cases is those ex-spouses who treat each other with disrespect through words or physical action. In addition, if these actions are performed in front of the child they can be especially harmful to the child’s view of the parent who is being disrespectful and the parent who is actually being disrespectful.
Therefore, it is important that the divorced couple maintain a civility towards each other for the sake of the child both mentally and emotionally. In addition, a mutual respect will help the child with any healing processes that need to be accomplished.
Easier said than done. My ex has apparently never read a book on how to behave after divorce or read a blog on how to talk about your ex around the children. He is continually putting me down in front of them, cursing at me, and belittling me–all reasons for the divorce in the first place. Initially, I tried the ignore tactic. But then I realize that I am perpetuating whatever he is saying about me. Since then I have calmly stated the facts to my daughters, so that they can at least hear a rebuttal from me, and not my silence to his nastiness. Is it better for my daughters? I hope so. How much can they see a person downtrodden without getting up? Which is the better message: to turn the other cheek until you suffer whiplash or to open your mouth and talk?